I'll Miss You Buddy

It's been a while since my last post. As you read, Milo was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor. For about 5 weeks I was giving him herbal supplements and feeding him turkey, ham, canned food, yogurt, etc. He started to eat on his own again and was drinking regularly, which I took as good signs.
Unfortunately, the cancer was too much to beat without surgery and Milo passed on last Sunday, March 4. After supper with my family and attending a university choir concert at the seminary, I came home to find Milo unresponsive and lifeless. I carried him to my mom's room to get water and nutrients down him and he began to moan and move in ways he never has before. I felt like someone dropkicked my heart and I knew I was losing him. We called the vet into town and he confirmed that Milo was passing. To prevent a possibly long and painful death (which I had been forewarned could include the rupturing of tumors, internal bleeding, organ failure, etc) I opted to put him down (which I had SWORE I'd never do). I stayed with him the entire time, so he could have his paw on my arm and look into my eyes. It was one of the hardest things to go through and now I know how hard it is to let a family member that's like a brother and a son go. He responded a couple more times to my voice and after 2 injections, let go of the fight.
I'm upset that he had to go this way. He could have lived years longer and would have been able to have the tumor removed had it not already spread. I've gone through anger at God, depression, guilt, and denial (more in the sense that I still think he's in the house when he's not). I have a growing sense of acceptance but it will take a long time. He wasn't "just a pet", as many moronic people may say. Rather, he was a brother, son, best friend, and companion for the last decade. I saved him from the Humane Society and again from liver disease that could have killed him years ago. All I wanted was one more victory.
It might sound dumb, but I sang to him that night. He LOVED music and would come sit by me as I played piano, sometimes even trying to play as well. My mind was blank, but I came up with one verse of "Rock of Ages". I've been 'normal' for several days now, but as I write this, my throat is getting tight and my face feels flushed.
I chose to let him keep his collar on. I have an old one I'm keeping. I told Milo that I'd meet him in Heaven and that I would let him keep his collar so that when he comes running to me in eternity, I will hear his bell ringing and I'll know I've made it home.
Thank all of you for your prayers. God bless.

As St. Francis is the patron of animals and animal lovers, I dedicate his prayer to Milo. I love the Olivia Newton-John version--"Instrument of Peace".