The Beginning of the End?
I'm writing this expecting no one to read it or even comment (as no one has for months). When I started this 5 years ago (yes, FIVE years to the month--I can't believe that), I didn't know what to expect but blogging was a big deal and now it's become so much the norm that it's almost passe, uncool, or whatever. If you don't vlog, then why bother? I mean, after all, who has the time (or ability) to read anymore? If it's not a YouTube clip 2 minutes or shorter, what's the use?
I'm not angry about this change, but it is a bit disappointing for a number of reasons. I guess first of all, when I started this I had fairly recently transferred from MMC to SCC and had friends from the former that checked in regularly, commented, and were interested in what I had to say. I was experimenting in new technology and liked the creative outlet this provided.
In recent history, however, I haven't kept up in blogging and though certain posts have value to me, they aren't particularly reader-friendly, especially if you don't really know me. I am probably going to bring this to an end this year unless I hear reasons otherwise. For those who have read, I appreciate you very much for taking the time to show interest, comment, pray for me when I've needed it, sent emails or IMs responding to posts and so forth.
Since I haven't done a 'real' blog in a great while I will end this post with a list of things that have happened this year that are significant. Regardless of when I end up shutting down this account, I'm going to print every last page (wonder how much ink that will cost me) prior to hitting the final "delete". This blog, while often pointless or silly, has chronicled the last 5 years of my life. I should do a "best of" highlights blog showcasing the biggest events over that span.
Here's my list of 'recent' events and if there is interest on my part or yours, I'll elaborate later.
I'm now 25 and feeling 19ish half the time and 30ish the other half and I hate it. I don't like feeling old and sometimes I do, since I am at this quarter-century mark and have gotten out of high school, out of college, and now am seeing younger college buddies on the verge of commencement themselves. I'm no longer a "school-aged kid" and I'm past the key birthdays: 10, 16, 18, 20, 21, etc. I also feel old since I've never had a relationship worth putting in writing and I look at underclassmen who are married and having kids and think I'm either gonna be a bachelor forever or an "old dad" who has kids in his 30s/40s and is a senior citizen by the time they're out of college.
On the other hand, I don't know how this number is an accurate one. Yes, I can do the math and I know I'm 25, but I honestly don't remember ever getting to be 21 (or anything between 12 and 25 for that matter). That's a deep mess of issues I won't go into, but I can say that I loved being 19 and it's a standout age for me. Unfortunately, the same age that brought me a new town/state to live in, my first experience away from home, my first college moments, some of the best friends I'd ever known (and still miss), and so much more, it's also the age that brought with it a deep stab wound that still is evident in scar tissue on my soul, heart, and mind. Time stopped that year (mentally) and I think I've been 19 ever since. I left the school I generally loved in a split-second goodbye, not getting to have closure with the friends, campus, town, etc. Suddenly my independence was gone, I was away from the best friends I'd had since elementary school, I was living at home, taking online courses just to keep the momentum in my educational career, and dealing with extreme health battles, even being in 2 hospitals and an ambulence for the first/only time in my life. (A situation that I knew affected me, but just last year found out caused me clinically-assessed Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). I know this is all depressing, but it's that quarter-life crisis John Mayer sang about and it's something more of my classmates have shared with me recently as affecting them too.
Other current events include:
My 1 1/3 year anniversary at Walmart
The approaching date of my niece's 2nd birthday
The passing of the date of Milo's 2-year anniversary of being gone (3/4)
The death of my best friend/"Grams" in January (1/2 month before her 90th birthday)
A current search for an apartment, a new vehicle (thinking Honda), and a digital camera (as I had to finally toss my 20-year-old Kodak film one)
A $300 quarterly bonus at work and a raise to come in May
My severing of all ties with the a-hole that was my last doctor and beginning with a new one that seems much better
Also, my cousin who's a year older than I found out she was pregnant the week Grams passed away and over 2 months later lost her baby. Please pray for her healing and for her ability to successfully carry a baby to term in the future. She'd already chosen to name her after Grams had she been a girl and this is a hard thing for anyone to experience.
On a lighter note: I give Twilight an A-, The Rocker a C-, The Boy in Striped Pajamas an A, and Rachel Getting Married a B-.
Peace, blessings, and gratitude for all who read,
Stephen
Songs of the Day: "Come Around" by Rhett Miller and "The Scientist" by Coldplay (who's coming to NE this summer and I REALLY WANT TO GO...)
PS-Screw Yahoo for eliminating Launchcast, which I've spent 7 years using and fine tuning to play the music I wanted!
posted by Steve at 10:20 PM
