Could be changing for the better

I'm re-adjusting the meds and re-adjusting my life and I think I may be coming out of this rut. Time will tell. I have been impressed with my vocals and piano skills lately which is a good sign. I had been so worried that I was losing my touch, but out of frustration and everything that's going on right now I began belting out the music and taking things out on the keys and I think I've broken the shell a little bit. I feel a little more free, a little more secure.
A co-worker wants me to take some hours of hers on Saturday. I haven't been there to work for weeks now and I don't know if I'm ready to go back, but I am trying not to think about it too much...that tends to worsen things.
I want to say thanks to all who read this and have posted comments and signed the guestbook. I do read that stuff regularly and do my best to respond appropriately. Thanks for thinking of me and coming to the page.
Mom is gone tonight because she's staying with one of my sisters. She's been having 'spells' where her heart feels like it's racing. If you'd pray for her health, I'd appreciate it.
A few more days and I'll be done with one of my classes. I've been picking and choosing assignments like I was at a buffet because I really need time to think and constant homework isn't allowing that.
Please pray that I have the will/ability to keep pushing myself, to get better, and to drop this anxiety/depression once and for all.
Know that I have all of my readers in my prayers as well.
The Song of the Day is "Keep Singing" by Mercy Me. Short and sweet but very beautiful and meaningful.
Blessings,
Stephen

Update

Last week for Biology-that makes me happy. I still have 3 online classes until June though. I've been overwhelmed by the work load lately.
I just haven't been myself for a long time now and I am running out of solutions. It seems I've tried everything and nothing is doing the trick.
Something great happened last night: My dad asked me to play him a song. When I finished, he was crying and told me that I was "so talented." This is a huge thing if you know our relationship (or lack of one). I hope it stays good.
I feel like it's time for a change--big time. I'm starting by shaving my hair so it's much shorter. Then I'm going to repaint my room and maybe move the furniture around in there. I thought about getting my ear pierced, but I dunno. Well just see what else changes in the next couple months.
Song of the Day: "Pilgrim" by Enya on "A Day Without Rain" CD.
SB

out of it

Head hurts, heart is racing, stomach is upset, I'm dizzy, and I'm very tired. I have become overworked by this term and vow not to put this load on myself again anytime soon. I may put too much energy into school. Maybe I don't put enough and thus fall behind. I think it's the first of the two--tonight my dad (who never seems to notice how hard I work) said, "You're always doing homework." That simple comment from him was a gift to me because it showed that someone appreciated the time I put into my classes. Turns out I read a book that was not yet due and neglected to read an assignment that was! Isn't this wonderful? I'm praying for an extension.
I am too tired to go on, so I shall say goodnight all.
Song of the Day: "Unaware" by Mercy Me. I got their newest CD "Undone" in the mail today (autographed by the band!) and connected with this song.
Say a prayer for me, I'll say one for you,
Steve

busy me

Hey all,
Been doing homework like a mad man. I had an 80-page word document that my prof. for a lit. class sent me to read and report on. Let's say that I got 1/2 through with the reading and went to SparkNotes.com for answers and summaries. What I sent is good enough for me.
I have a Bio. exam tomorrow that I have done no studying for. I have one next week and then I'm done!
I'm liking the poetry class. I have written some cool things that I'm pretty proud of. I invented a town and made up poems about the buildings, characters, etc.
It was a beautiful day today--unfortunately I only got outside to see it while I was mowing the yard (in between studying sessions).
I have not had nearly as much time as I'd like (and need) for my music. I'm thinking of going for 2 summer clases only now. History and an art or literature class. Then I may have some time to do music...I'm supposed to sing at the Civic Center on the 4th of July and I have not picked anything to sing. I still have time.
My sis is on a heart monitor now, which I was a year ago, and our other sister was several years ago. We have issues...
Song of the Day: "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds. Jonathan turned me on to this song. Great for couples! Too bad I'm still single :(
Laters gators,
Steve the superhero

Yup, it got breezy

I told you I thougt it would storm yesterday--well it did. Not too bad but it rained and the wind was something else. Guess my Song of the Day fit pretty well with what took place later on. Guess some places got baseball-sized hail.
Worked at my dad's office last night, getting it all cleaned up. Of course I also messed around on the internet there and played my Launch internet radio. For some reason, it wasn't playing my songs and most of the music was crappy.
I'm saving up money for car tires and maybe a few other items. On top of that I am trying to get this darn computer I've been dreaming about for years now. This one I'm using has to go. It's a good 10 years old and has nothing to brag about. I'm glad to have it, but it will get me nowhere with my musical needs. I'm strongly considering Dell...if any of you have one or know much about them, please comment here so I can figure out if that's where I should get my computer from. The ones at the theater seem to work well most of the time. Any input is welcome.
Hello to Kyle! We now have 6 readers if you include Jonathan (Jonathan isn't reading right now because of a family tragedy--God bless ya Jonathan).
Keep on commenting because I check up everyday!
Song of the Day: "Fallen" by Sarah McLachlan.
Thanks for reading,
Steve

It may storm today

Wind is howling, sky is grayish, cold/warm fronts moving about---it's STORM season!! I shouldn't say this, but I like summer storms. Something about them excite and calm me at the same time. Don't get me wrong, Toto, I don't want our house moved by a tornado. If only I could find my brian, my heart, my courage, and my ruby slippers...wait...rewind that a bit.
Here's hoping I remember to unplug my digital piano everytime there's lightning because I don't trust the surge protector. Would you trust a $8 outlet thingy with protecting a $3500 piano? Don't think so.
10 days of biology classes left! I've been picking and choosing assignments to do lately; not a great thing to do, but I need to relax more. I have 2 more exams (I think) and I'll be done.
Started watching "Strange Brew" last night. Got 20 minutes into it and couldn't take anymore so I finished watching another movie instead. Got a couple of movies to watch tonight to. Can't forget that homework either...
Song of the Day: "Talula (The Tornado Mix)" by Tori Amos. You can hear it at the beginning of "Twister" or find it on Tori's "Boys for Pele" album.
Have a super great one,
Stephen

It's FRIDAY

Thank God for weekends. I do work a bit tomorrow and I have a take-home style exam, but it will be much less work than I've been doing this week.
I'm a bit sick today-felt like it yesterday and got the proof of it today. My life is just getting better all the time huh? Oh well, it's been worse and I'm thankful that I'm not at that point anymore.
I am just about ready to submit an application to the college that just may be #3 for me. Looks like I'll have my Associate of Arts in December and start on my BA in Music in January. Here's hoping!
It was a hot one today and I'm waiting for the OK to turn the A/C on. I've brought up 2 fans from the basement and have the ceiling fans going.
2 more weeks of biology left! I won't cry when that's over. We did an online simulation of predator/prey populations of lynx vs. hare. Can you smell the excitement? Maybe that's just the stink of bio. I hope I don't stink...
Anywho, I can not get MSN messenger to work today for the life of me. I don't know what's going on, but I need my chat abilities!
The Song of the Day is "Hallelujah" sung by Rufus Wainwright. Check the Shrek soundtrack for it. This song was also done by Jeff Buckley and CBS played it on "Without a Trace" last season.
Have a great weekend,
Steve B.

Just breathe...

What is with this crazy professor and his 10-page minimum on assignment requirements? He better give me an extension because I've been workin' my tail off for school. I had one exam today, I have a lab and an exam tomorrow, and I have an exam next week. YEAH! On top of that, there's this Sociology paper that I haven't even begun to write that involves me interviewing someone and reading a dozen sources. I will be glad when I'm done with this term I tell ya what!
Today feels like the hottest day yet and I put an extra fan in the room to move the air around. One of these days the old A/C will have to be switched on.
My grandma sent me a small photo album and a letter today-thanks to Grams! (She won't ever see this by the way). I just thought I'd brag that my grandma loves me and sends me gifts all the time. I write to her every couple of weeks.
I've been too busy to really work on my music. I have come up with a handful of new songs, but I have not gotten around to writing the music and working out the trouble spots. It would be great to be able to focus on my music. Maybe I'll do that this summer. Looks like I'm performing on the 4th of July for the 3rd year in a row. That should be interesting.
Song of the Day is "I'm with You" by Avril Lavigne. Did I use this already? Not sure if I have but I want it as today's song anyway.
Thanks for checking in,
Steve

I forgot a song

The Song of the Day is "Lullaby" by Creed on the "Weathered" album.

School stuff

Had a bit of a break from the homework today! I did some stuff that will be due tomorrow night though. I have a Sociology exam that should just be wonderful...or not. I've got my FAFSA out to my schools of choice and should be hearing how much money they wanna give me soon. College that gives me the most wins! (Not necessarily, but what the heck?)
I've been trying to get into the university scene in town and one of my contacts that I thought I'd be friends with is planning on taking the school year off next year. Go fig...I find someone to hang out with and he's gone before I get the chance. What's up with that?
2 and 1/2 more weeks or so and I'm done with Biology forever!!! That will take some hours off of my busy schedule and give me more time to have some fun. I'm going to take summer classes, but I think just 2 or 3.
My car is doing good (pray that it stays that way). I do need to get some tires and shocks put on this summer though. Maybe money will grow on a tree in my yard...you never know. If only I had rich relatives about to die...WHAT? I didn't say that (out loud)!
Well, better get ready for bed.
Have a great rest of the week!
Stephen

What the?

Ok, the Sunday post just now showed up, even though after repeated tries, I was told that it didn't go through when I wrote it. This computer stuff is weird!
Laters everyone,
Steve

Let's try this again

I tried several times to post a blog a couple of days ago and it wouldn't publish. I have no idea what happened, but I'm hoping this one goes through.
Basically, I want to welcome Jonathan, who is supposed to be reading this! This makes our reader total come up to 5 people! I urge you to post comments under the daily posting and join in some stimulating conversation with me and the others who check the site out.
Haven't heard from the Dakota friends in a while...where are you??? I will come up there and hunt you down. Just kidding. Or am I? Muhahahahaha! :)
I'm doing homework like mad (as usual this term). I have 3 exams coming up, a 10-page paper due tonight, a novel to read, and soooo much more. So why am I blogging instead of doing the work? I need a break so my head doesn't pop off.
Song of the Day: "A Thousand Beautiful Things" by Annie Lennox

We will be popular in no time

Today I've asked another buddy to read my blog, so we may get the number up to a booming 5 people! Wahoo! Jonathan, if you're reading this, thanks for checking out the site and hit it up often!
Reminder to all, after you've signed the guestbook once (for some it's been a few), feel free to post comments under the blogs. You can ask me questions, respond to my blog, or just say "hi". I check this as often as possible and will do my best to reply quickly.
Today I cleaned at my dad's office. I love the added bonus of working at a place with a CD burner. While I was busy dusting, vacuuming, dumping trash, and cleaning the bathroom, the computer was busy burning me some new CDs! Gotta love the perks! I ended up condensing 7 Christian CDs into 4 and will give the actual set of 7 to my church.
I hope everyone gets a lot out of this holy time of year. To all on break from college--must be nice!!! I have homework that I did today (Saturday) and a book to read (yes, the whole thing) and much more to do tomorrow on Easter. Not fair, but I'll live.
Have a great one!
Stephen

Good Friday

Today is Good Friday and the weather seems to be mimicking the day Christ died-it is cold and rainy with no sign of sunlight. Easter looks like it should be a bright day though.
It is a good Friday for me too, because I got through a whole mass at church, something that I haven't done for a long time due to my condition and such. I am looking at that as a sign that I can start doing more things again. I'm not ready to go back to my job at the video store, but I will continue cleaning at my dad's office. Thanks to all who have thought of me or prayed for me lately...I shall try to remember you in the same way.
I'm still busy with homework but I'm trying to downplay it and do more fun stuff. So what if I miss one of the minor assignments? I can't stress over everything right?
My sister is doing much better (she had surgery a while back). She may be going a bit overboard on stuff though--we keep telling her to take it easy, but she's just heck on wheels. She's definately related!!
The Song of the Day is "When the Rain Comes" by Third Day.
Keep on rockin',
Steve

Just another entry

Happy birthday to my sis today! I got her a CD she wanted-hope she enjoys! Everyone is going to T.G.I.Friday's to eat, but I'm not doing so well, so I may have to stay home. I don't want to hurt her feelings and I hope she understands.
Today has not been a promising day. I went to eat chinese food with my sis and mom and left the place early because I was having an attack. On the walk home (yes, I walked) I thought I was gonna pass out. This stuff is really freaking me out and I need all the prayers/support/encouragement/etc. that you can throw my way. I hate to go on and on about this stuff, but it's really hanging on this time and I'm getting worn down.
I'm currently upset with my father who has neglected to do tax work which makes it impossible for me to do my FAFSA (which I need for financial aid as well as for applications to new schools). I checked my FAFSA account today and it has shut down because I haven't updated it with my parent's info. in recent time...thanks a bunch pops. Now I have to start from scratch--the second time.
I'm considering majoring in music AND writing. In other words, I would be playing piano/singing, but writing poetry and books as well. I just feel called that way right now. Who knows what shall come...
Song of the Day: "Power of Goodbye" by Madonna
Much love,
Steve

Lots of homework on a sunny day

Hello all,
I don't know if I should say "all" since no one seems to have read this in the past few days. Maybe I should say "hello any." I'm still trying to think of people to ask to read the site. I have to be choosy because I don't want some people knowing everything there is to know about me, ya know?
Today was an amazing spring day with the sun shining and the birds chirping and everything perfect. One problem...I couldn't spend as much time outside as I'd like. I had a 10-page poetry class assignment due and I had to read a chapter and write a response for sociology. Fun stuff right?
I did get out long enough to eat a salad in the park (grilled chicken with ranchd dressing if you like details). I also sat on the front steps of my house and chilled with a stray cat that has claimed my home as her own. I don't know what's going on, but we gained about a dozen strays in the past few months.
Well, I gotta go to bed--more class work tomorrow!
Everyone have a great night/day whatever and I'll be around soon.
The Song of the Day is "Trouble" by Coldplay.

Howdy

Just got back from a 45-min. walk. Air is very cool but it is great to get out of the house. Watched "Matrix Revolutions" tonight and have to say it's good...much better than "Reloaded."
A friend of my mom's sent me a very encouraging email which is great for my spirit. I've been making progress. The body seems to be getting in check. My attitude is better so thanks to all who prayed for me. I need more progress, but I believe I'll make it.
Today's Song of the Day is "The Prayer." The Celine Dion/Andrea Bocelli. version is great--you may also like the Josh Groban/Charlotte Church version. I sang this for an event in high school and another in college.
Bless ya,
Steve

Trying to Keep Going

This anxiety stuff is starting to cripple me. I don't want to leave home some of the time. I forced myself to get out and do stuff today though. I got our lawn mowed (first time for the year), took out the trash, and cleaned my dad's office (my weekend job). Right now I'm typing this while burning some Christian CDs to blanks. I'll give the real ones to my church and keep the copies.
Thanks to Cheryl, who signed the guestbook-that makes four readers so far! Wahoo! I'm moving on up! It is nice to have friends like you, Billie, and Erin, who stay connected even though we've spread out and changed schools.
Speaking of school, I am busier than ever and read half of a poetry book last night. It was actually more interesting than I had thought, which is great because I hate forced reading.
There is still no schedule...I assume I didn't need to work tonight! I guess one will be up around Monday. Until then your guess is as good as mine as to when I work. I'd quit if I knew of a job in this town I'd enjoy that paid as much or more. Not that I get paid much. 2 1/2 years, one raise. Gotta love it.
The Song of the Day is "Come What May" from Moulin Rouge.
Signing off, this is Steve.

Should I Quit?

My boss, who two weeks ago gave me a 30 minute lecture on waiting until the last minute to do things, has yet to put up a schedule. Do I work today? I honestly don't know. If I don't show up she'll possibly threaten to fire me (as part of the rigid plan laid out by her lecture), but if I show up then it tells her that she can treat me like this. How am I getting in trouble for "not showing respect to others by waiting until the last minute to find replacements" for my shifts when she doesn't show respect for others when she waits until the last minute to write a schedule? So it's 'should I stay or should I go' right now.
Sorry to be a downer, but I REALLY needed to vent on that one. Just wait 'til later...we have yet to see if I'm on to work!
In other news, the sun is shining, I'm up before noon (hehe), I got a ten page assignment in by midnight last night (via the net) on top of an exam and a 500-word description of myself (among other assignments yesterday), and it's Friday.
My Song of the Day is "One Step Closer" by Linkin Park.
Alternate songs for laughs: "Take this Job and Shove it" and "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"

Busy Bee

This is gonna be short because I'm going nuts with class requirements. My sis had surgery today so please pray that she recovers fully. I took my Biology exam today...80% isn't too bad right? Song of the Day is "Everything" by Lifehouse. I like to think of the song as my relationship with God and I have seen Lifehouse in Christian music stores, but apply it as you shall to your own lives!
Laters guys!